So I have been reading this book and its not a mormon book, but I have found a lot of interesting things that I can see parallels with the church and it. I really like reading material and seeing movies and what not that are not really made by the church because there are so many people who spout and live and think the same things we do, yet they just don't think we are saying the same things, but a lot of it is the same. that being said, a lot is still different but I like to see the different ways to look at the same thing.
so this book is called A New Earth, its pretty good its by eckhart tolle. it's not a story book its one of those discussion new age books. but there was a passage that totally hit me the other day when i was reading at the gym.
"Resistance is an inner contraction, a hardening of the shell of the ego. You are closed. Whatever action you take in a state of inner resistance (which we could also call negativity) will creat more outer resistance, and the universe will not be on your side; (aka. God can't help you, or support you or comfort you when you close your self off to his love with the negitive thoughts you keep in your head and actions) life will not be helpful. If the shutters are closed, (our shutters that let in 'light' or you could say Christ, he did say he was the light of the world) the sunlight cannot come in. When you yeild internally, when you surrender, (come to Christ, commit to God, offer your will to his) a new dimension of consciousness opens up. (aka. a new sense of spiritual connection to that higher power/consciousness/god/enlightenment etc.) If action is possible or necessaryu, your action will be in alihnment with the whole (God) and supported by creative intelligence, (also God and Christ and their will's, which are the same purpose) the unconditioned consciousness which is a state of inner openness (as christians we call this humilty, and spiritually intune) you become one with. curcumstances and people then become helpful, cooperative. (because you yourself are so open and willing to serve others and be served yourself, a princple Christ taught, and others) Coincidences (aka. miracles) happen. If no action is possible, you rest in the peace and inner stillness that comes with surrender. you rest in God."
I just loved this passage because here is this book that is not even written by my church and I can still recieve personal revelation that enlightens and motivates my spirit and person.
I spent a good month, (unfortunatley over christmas) where i just felt like sleeping, i was depressed. I wanted to be with my friends, i felt like my identity was somewhat diminishing because some of my friends were getting closer and I was missing out on the event. And half of my friends were getting engaged or seriously dating someone (the other half are now engaged) and I am not. I felt like I had the hardest semester ahead of me, it was cold and winter, and the friends I had were not really the kind where I just felt so connected to them. I was so engulfed in the throughts of my head i was resisting those that were trying to uplift me, those that provided advice to feel better, the ones who told me the honest truth that i was being silly that my friends did love me and that I simply needed to open my eyes and see it rather than talking to myself and my own thoughts.
This book mentioned this story of the author seeing on the subway in london this lady who was seriously talking in an angry way to empty seats next to her. The author followed her and the whole way she talked to the air, and when he realized she was going to the university library he himself was going to he was shocked to think someone like that would be going to a place like that. He then realized that we are all like this women, minus the fact we dont say everything we are thinking out loud. but how many times do you sometimes think something and realize you jsut said it out loud? the only difference is we stay in this social definition that says that is crazy to do. But really we are always 'talking' or thinking thoughts in our heads.
when i read this i realized how powerful these thoughts can be and how dangerous they can be if you let them take over your 'world'. I realized I was living in my thoughts and they were negative and not helping me progress to be any better or even just be. my head was identifying myself with negative things. I realized the only reason i felt so depressed was because somewhere in my head I got the idea that my identity, who i am, had to do with the people i knew, and my relationship status, and how close I am to my friends, and who much they love me. I realized that this was not me at all, in fact that was a lot of crap that was fuzzing the actual me.
I dont know I just liked that God was able to reach me in a way that provided truth that was not directly related to the church, and yet I was able to see the churches principles and doctrines that it teaches in this message. I feel like so many times people think that we as mormons only look for truth in our own church, and granted sometimes we do because we feel it is the clearest source you could say, but we forget there is so much beauty and truth out there that is all just saying the same thing. To love. To love god, to love your self, to love those in the world, to love those who were in the world, to love the earth, to love the life youve been given etc. and then to remember to give credit to the being who is responsible for it all. That is God. There are so many questions about why God does or doesnt do what he does. but sometimes those questions distract us from the greatest possble thing we can do and that is love him.
It sounds cliche and warm and fuzzy but its true and I just felt like adding to the piles upon piles of truth and testimony of truth.
the church i belong to, is something I treasure so much in my life, but ultimately it is the Love of God and when i Love him back that brings me happy, its simply that that love usually leads me to the Gosspel taught by the phrophets and appostles of the church of jesus christ.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Years ....
So I felt that I needed to write some sort of New Years Resolution, hoping that by putting the effort to make it would help the chances of it all coming to pass in 2009.
And since Im pretty sure hardly anyone follows mine, i'm not worried about what I write :)
2008 was an interesting year. I can't even remember what I was doing last New Years, which pretty much explains the entire year. I spent 7 months simply working, or you could say waiting for school to start. Working at The Olive Garden, which became my life night and day. Then with the Highlight being the wonderful memories spent at EFY over the summer, and then finally school in the fall. But then what happened at school? I met some really awesome friends who I hope are still there when I get back and worked hard then not hard then kicked my butt to pass my classes. I got my car towed, got in a small car accident in the same day, had to pay 300 $ to get it out, and then drove through Sardine Canyon in a blizzard. That was the coolest event. My main goal was to get to school, to start the next chapter of my life and pursue this new road I felt was right for me. And I did that, and it was great, but I feel the year went by with not nearly enough to speak about it. OH i did stop biting my nails however, which if you know me that is a huge deal! I always bite my nails, but I did it to prove to myself that I have self control and I do, so now I just need to apply it to exercise, homework, eating healthy and scriptures etc.
so I guess that sets up a good segway to 2009 and my hopes for it. I am somewhat dreading this coming semester, knowing that it is going to be so hard and so much work and cold, and so many ppl are getting married, and I want so much and want to do so much. So the first thing I hope for it a different attitude, or more motivation. I need the motivation to keep pushing, even though I seem to feel so Blah. I hope not just to survive this next semester but I hope to survive and come out of it more educated and skilled, and filled with vibrance for life. Thats what I lack now.
I also hope to be more hopeful. In all catagories. I want to learn or rather feel that I have made progress with the instruments I am learning this semester. I want to LOVE photography instead of end up hating it because I might not b good at it. I want to feel good about me and what Im doing. Being Lazy just tends to make me feel too useless, so I want to be busy but not too busy to lend a hand or even just chat with a friend. I want to be braver than i was in 2009, not so affraid to take chances. I want to have more self disciplin in regards to homework, and movies, and TV, and spiritual and physical things.
I want to get EFY all summer! hahaha so that I can make the money i need by doing something so rewarding and fullfilling. I want to Get my fafsa filled out so fast and find out i get more financial aide this next year. I hope to learn a little bit more about who i am and in that reach for more. I want to get better at return and reporting. I want to enjoy the scriptures when i read them every morning. I hope to get better at mornin prayers. I hope to be more aware of the missionary moments im sure are around me that i miss. i hope to be more like the wife and mother i keep dreaming i want to be, now rather then when i actually am a wife and mother. I hope to loose the 'utah mormon' i seem to have adopted over the past year. I hope to find a way to be accepting and loving but also stand up for what i believe and show that it is the desire of my heart. I hope to be more devoute. I hope to learn with body mind and soul more fully the encompassing powers of the atonement. I hope to be someone who laughs when things go wrong and remembers to thank those deserving when things go right. i hope to find more answers for the questions i feel i need to know about myself and why i dont have all that i think i should. i hope to stop wishing for more and be content with what i have. i hope to be the kind of friend who is an example of love and give all the glory to him above. i hope to be the kind of person i look to. i pray and hope to be the person the lord looks to when he needs some help. I hope to be my testimony not just share it. i hope to be strong enough or solid enough in who i am and what i know in my heart that i will stop going for guys that dont like me and be ok enough to accept that without a long dramatic roller coaster ride. (dumb girls)
i hope to be kinder to my parents, remembering the things i am grateful for and the things that they do that make them such great parents. i hope to stop passing judgement and learn that there is more than i know.
i hope to take the opportunities i am given to be someone who wants to serve those around me. i hope to be more willing because it lifts another rather than because of my benefit.
i hope to see my NY family, and be a better example to them than i was before. i hope to share with them the changes ive made in me, and embrace their changes also. i hope to be loved by those i love, but to be loved for the right reasons. i hope to have more faith, in ALL areas and relationships in my life.
I hope that at the end of 2009 when i am 24 that i will believe christ and in myself more and that i will feel that though i might not have made perfect success that i can say i made progress and that i have come out closer to the will of my father which i trust is mine, a place and person of joy, laughter, peace, love, and happiness.
I told you i hoped and wanted alot. of course the number one thing i must remember is i cant do all this alone. and at this point in my life my companion is the lord and i hopefully will rely on him and lean to him when i cant find the strength, sense, or motivation to move along.
2009 will be a good year. its already decided now its up to me and my attitude to make that my reality. :)
And since Im pretty sure hardly anyone follows mine, i'm not worried about what I write :)
2008 was an interesting year. I can't even remember what I was doing last New Years, which pretty much explains the entire year. I spent 7 months simply working, or you could say waiting for school to start. Working at The Olive Garden, which became my life night and day. Then with the Highlight being the wonderful memories spent at EFY over the summer, and then finally school in the fall. But then what happened at school? I met some really awesome friends who I hope are still there when I get back and worked hard then not hard then kicked my butt to pass my classes. I got my car towed, got in a small car accident in the same day, had to pay 300 $ to get it out, and then drove through Sardine Canyon in a blizzard. That was the coolest event. My main goal was to get to school, to start the next chapter of my life and pursue this new road I felt was right for me. And I did that, and it was great, but I feel the year went by with not nearly enough to speak about it. OH i did stop biting my nails however, which if you know me that is a huge deal! I always bite my nails, but I did it to prove to myself that I have self control and I do, so now I just need to apply it to exercise, homework, eating healthy and scriptures etc.
so I guess that sets up a good segway to 2009 and my hopes for it. I am somewhat dreading this coming semester, knowing that it is going to be so hard and so much work and cold, and so many ppl are getting married, and I want so much and want to do so much. So the first thing I hope for it a different attitude, or more motivation. I need the motivation to keep pushing, even though I seem to feel so Blah. I hope not just to survive this next semester but I hope to survive and come out of it more educated and skilled, and filled with vibrance for life. Thats what I lack now.
I also hope to be more hopeful. In all catagories. I want to learn or rather feel that I have made progress with the instruments I am learning this semester. I want to LOVE photography instead of end up hating it because I might not b good at it. I want to feel good about me and what Im doing. Being Lazy just tends to make me feel too useless, so I want to be busy but not too busy to lend a hand or even just chat with a friend. I want to be braver than i was in 2009, not so affraid to take chances. I want to have more self disciplin in regards to homework, and movies, and TV, and spiritual and physical things.
I want to get EFY all summer! hahaha so that I can make the money i need by doing something so rewarding and fullfilling. I want to Get my fafsa filled out so fast and find out i get more financial aide this next year. I hope to learn a little bit more about who i am and in that reach for more. I want to get better at return and reporting. I want to enjoy the scriptures when i read them every morning. I hope to get better at mornin prayers. I hope to be more aware of the missionary moments im sure are around me that i miss. i hope to be more like the wife and mother i keep dreaming i want to be, now rather then when i actually am a wife and mother. I hope to loose the 'utah mormon' i seem to have adopted over the past year. I hope to find a way to be accepting and loving but also stand up for what i believe and show that it is the desire of my heart. I hope to be more devoute. I hope to learn with body mind and soul more fully the encompassing powers of the atonement. I hope to be someone who laughs when things go wrong and remembers to thank those deserving when things go right. i hope to find more answers for the questions i feel i need to know about myself and why i dont have all that i think i should. i hope to stop wishing for more and be content with what i have. i hope to be the kind of friend who is an example of love and give all the glory to him above. i hope to be the kind of person i look to. i pray and hope to be the person the lord looks to when he needs some help. I hope to be my testimony not just share it. i hope to be strong enough or solid enough in who i am and what i know in my heart that i will stop going for guys that dont like me and be ok enough to accept that without a long dramatic roller coaster ride. (dumb girls)
i hope to be kinder to my parents, remembering the things i am grateful for and the things that they do that make them such great parents. i hope to stop passing judgement and learn that there is more than i know.
i hope to take the opportunities i am given to be someone who wants to serve those around me. i hope to be more willing because it lifts another rather than because of my benefit.
i hope to see my NY family, and be a better example to them than i was before. i hope to share with them the changes ive made in me, and embrace their changes also. i hope to be loved by those i love, but to be loved for the right reasons. i hope to have more faith, in ALL areas and relationships in my life.
I hope that at the end of 2009 when i am 24 that i will believe christ and in myself more and that i will feel that though i might not have made perfect success that i can say i made progress and that i have come out closer to the will of my father which i trust is mine, a place and person of joy, laughter, peace, love, and happiness.
I told you i hoped and wanted alot. of course the number one thing i must remember is i cant do all this alone. and at this point in my life my companion is the lord and i hopefully will rely on him and lean to him when i cant find the strength, sense, or motivation to move along.
2009 will be a good year. its already decided now its up to me and my attitude to make that my reality. :)
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